Chicken Pox Carnage, Take One

This week started off with a bang. No, really. Sunday night rang in Monday morning rather epically with a raging pillow fight…and the “thud” of my youngest hitting the floor, neck and shoulders first, mid-skirmish. Insert bath time here to loosen aching muscles and low and behold, we see what looks like hives plastered all across his chest.

Yep. Time to pick up the phone and dial a doctor. Off we go, only to find out we’re not fighting with anything as harmless as overactive basophils. Oooooooooh no. Along with a nice case of whiplash, we’re going head to head with…duh duh duh…our first REAL case of chicken pox!

There’s Fake Chicken Pox?

Meh. Sort of. See, thanks to a little thing called the varicella vaccine, chicken pox has been a frequent but wimpy visitor in this house. A few spots here. A few spots there. Kids score a day off of school, mom plasters them in Calamine, and we're good to go.

This time, however, G Money just couldn’t do it. At this writing he’s got a nice strip wrapping over his shoulder and around his chest, with a massive colony of spots hiding under the skin and promising to make an appearance by tomorrow morning. He’s itchy. Whiny. WAY past cranky. And leaving mom and dad scrambling for ways to get through the next week without giving in to the urge for an unexpected trip to Fiji to put ourselves out of our misery.

War Stories to Come

You’d think, given the fact that both dad and myself had a miserable case of chicken pox when we were younger, that we’d have some awesome techniques up our sleeve. You’d be wrong. Even after a couple of minor cases floating around the house, we’re still staring blankly at the munchkin as the spots keep marching on.

I’m sure I’m going to have some awesome survival stories by the end of the week (and the phone number for the pizza delivery place and the liquor store on speed dial), but for now I have the Aveeno in one hand and a bottle of Caladryl in the other. So let me shout out to you, all those amazing, wonderful, experienced parents out there. How did you survive your first case of chicken pox?

Are You Turning Your Kids Into Quitters?

How many of you read Mamapedia? 

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a junkie for mommy blogs. Not as much now as when my kids were younger. Moms with school-age kids seem to spend less time sitting at a keyboard than those with little ones that actually nap during the day. I blame all the driving around we do after the fact. Which actually brings me to my point.

Earlier this week, there was an article on Mamapedia about a woman who was concerned about her son. He’d started swim team early in the summer with a tremendous amount of enthusiasm and verve. Six months of competition later, he was in tears before his swim meet. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to be there. He wanted to quit.

Mom was concerned that giving him the thumbs-up to drop out of swimming would encourage him to give up too soon. That it would detract from him doing something great. Or maybe he was just showing that swimming wasn’t his true love, and she should let him step out of the pool and get back to the baseball that he loved. Sounds reasonable, right? We all want to do what’s best for our kids.

Did I mention he was only five?

With the constant push from society to nudge our kids into activities and keep them there, along with research that shows the younger a child is when they start, the more successful they’re going to be, it’s no wonder that parents are worrying about these things at a young age. What kind of habits are we teaching our kids if we let them throw in the towel when the going gets tough? Stay the course, young man! You’ll thank me when you’re older!

I’m not going to say that pushing your kids to succeed isn’t good for them. Drive. Discipline. Etc, etc. Chinese parents have been doing it for years. So if you’re the type of parent who believes their kids should stick with it, forever and ever, no matter what…stop reading here. No really. What I’m about to say is going to piss you off beyond all possible belief.

Nothing Says, “Do It Or Else!” Like Kids in Ballet

I was one of those kids who couldn’t stand sitting around the house. Soccer. Softball. Band. Cheerleading. Scouts. Youth Group. I was into everything. So I have to admit to nudging my kids out the door as often as possible.

Nothing, however, has given me as fine a respect for allowing kids to make their own choices as having a daughter that does ballet.

Princess C’s working on her fifth year of dance. We did two years of ballet before moving north, then another two years of it once we got here. (She’s taking a break from it to do hip hop and jazz this year instead, but insists she’s going back next year.)

Ladies and gentlemen, ballet moms are scary. I’m not talking about the kind that show up, drop off their kids and hike down to the coffee shop until they’re done. I get those. I’m talking about the ones that shove their crying four year old into the room week after week when she obviously doesn’t want to be there. That make it impossible for their girls to make friends, because parents carry the competition for parts out of the studio. Mudslinging. Insults. Subtle sabotage. Politics have NOTHING on the wide, wonderful world of dance.

In short, I’m saying these moms want it more than their kids do.

Hey, I’ve Been There

Confession time. When my oldest started Tae Kwon Do at the age of 6, we were thrilled. He loved it. He had a good time. He wasn’t bad at it. 10 months later, however, he stopped wanting to go. Classes started with tears and revolt and bribes and threats to get him out the door. He genuinely didn’t want to be there.

When I stepped back to look at why I was pushing a 7 year old so hard to do something he obviously didn’t want to do, I realized it was because it was something I wanted for him. I wanted him to find his niche, something he could stick with. I wanted it more than he did. When I finally made that connection, we went ahead and pulled him out. And while I could have done without the fee that came with pulling him out before the year was up, it’s not a decision I regret.

Kids Try EVERYTHING

At some point, kids are going to try a wide range of activities. Some they’ll stick with. Some they won’t. (I know one season of softball was MORE than enough for me.) Letting them stop isn’t teaching them to quit. It’s teaching them to save their time for doing the things they love rather than spending all their time on the things they hate.

My recommendation to moms who are worried about their kids starting and stopping activities with abandon? Don’t worry about it. If their sport has a season, encourage them to ride it out. That teaches them the value of being a team player and finishing their commitment. If it’s something that goes year-round, like swim or tae kwon do, choose a stopping point. Maybe it’s a meet. Maybe it’s a belt test. Just something that provides a definitive end.

Maybe they’ll change their minds. Maybe they won’t. But this way you’re empowering them to make their own decisions. To take chances. To try new things. To stretch their wings.

Really, isn’t that what being a parent is all about?

To Game or Not to Game, That Is the Question. Or is It?

Remember the Nintendo era? I have fond memories of spending hours curled up playing Mario and watching my cousins take each other down in Mortal Kombat. Back then, there were a limited number of games on the market. You’d play for a couple of hours, then got so sick of the game that you moved on to something else.

And if you didn’t get off on your own, your mom would shove you in a coat and shoes and take care of that for you.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with one television channel, no computer and very few video games, but monitoring screen time in my house wasn’t really a problem. I have more memories of my grandmother telling me to stop playing in the creek than to step away from the TV. These days, it seems like I spend half my life dragging my kids away from the computer and back into real life.

Video Games Aren’t Doing Our Kids Any Favors

There’s been a huge amount of research done in recent years on the effects of video games on our kids’ growth and development. What our parents deemed harmless entertainment when we were kids is turning into a global problem. Video games are being linked with poor social development, childhood obesity, falling grades and the early onset of addictive behavior in children.

In other words, they’re so busy spending time sitting on their butt in front of the computer screen that they’re not out there doing anything else!

As a parent, it’s my job to make sure my kids eat right. That they get their homework done. That they have the opportunity to develop socially, make friends, expand their horizons. I dedicated hours to playgroups, dance classes, pool time, school events and teaching my kids how to read. Now that they’re thinking for themselves, am I really going to cross my arms, sit back and say, “My job’s done. Go ahead and do whatever you want.”?

I don’t think so.

Be Their Parent, Not Their Friend

“I can’t get my kids to stop playing video games!”

Get a dozen parents together and that’s the complaint you’re going to hear, over and over again. All their kids want to do is play video games. They just don’t seem to want to do anything else. Hours upon hours their little darlings fritter away in front of the big screen while their parents gnash their teeth in the background because they don’t want to go outside.

Here’s the thing. Saying you can’t get your kids to stop playing video games is like saying you can’t get your shoe to go on your foot. Of course you can. You’re the parent. Unplug the Wii. Disconnect the modem. Take the Playstation controllers. Limit the number of hours your kids spend in front of the computer and TV screens each day and stick to it. If they can’t play video games, they’re going to have to find something else to do.

It’s kind of like eating brussel sprouts. They don’t have to like it, but it’s something they can live with.

It’s Easier Said Than Done

For those of you rolling your eyes and thinking, “It’s easy for you to say,” I’ve been there. My husband is an avid gamer, and when the kids were little I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the amount of time they spent playing computer or watching TV. It was okay for a few years. They still went outside to play tag, still spent hours at the pool, still nagged me, day in and day out, to go to their cousins’ house to hang out.

As they got older, however, getting them outside got a lot harder. My oldest buried himself in video games, started dropping out of other activities, spent hours in front of the computer when his friends came over-if they came over at all. All three of the kids would whine and complain when I turned off the computers and the TV and tried to get them to do something else. Before long, video games (or in my daughter’s case, the TV) were all my kids could talk about.

Something had to give. I started cracking down on the amount of time the kids spent playing games and watching TV. I signed them up for swim classes and after school activities, and started kicking them outside on a regular basis.

I implemented a firm policy that those who complain when it’s time to turn off the video games don’t get to play them again until mom’s good and ready to turn them back on.

Sure, video game marathons still happen. When my oldest has friends over, I’ll let them geek it up for a few hours. On days I have to work and they’re bored out of their minds I’ll lift video game restrictions, just to keep them entertained for most of the day. I try not to grind my teeth too far down when they’re home with dad, who lets them computer it up whenever they want as long as their chores get done.

But these are special events, and the kids know it.

It’s been an uphill battle, especially in light of the fact that my husband continues to game as often as possible. We’ve argued more than once about me telling the kids to turn off the computers and find something else to do. It’s a fight I’m determined to win, however, because I’m seeing a difference.

In a world without video games, my kids spend more time with their friends and with each other. They’re learning problem solving skills that have nothing to do with swords or shooting people in the head. They’re discovering new interests; they’ll start Tae Kwon Do next month, and I’m tripping over Yu Gi Oh cards every time I turn around. My oldest is celebrating his first marking period in middle school on the honor roll. My youngest is learning how to read.

They’re making friends, learning valuable social skills and setting the stage for a bright future that has nothing to do with spending days hunched like a mole over a computer screen.

Yesterday was early dismissal day. The kids came home early from school yesterday and immediately broke out the Uno cards instead of making a mad dash for the computers, the television or the Wii. It brought a tear to my eye.

How do you manage video game time at your house?

Is the Glitz Really All There Is? Christmas?

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit it. I go a little crazy at Christmas. The stockings. The stuffing. The crinkle of Christmas wrap in my hands. I love it all.

What I don’t love is the never-ending wish list I hear from my three little angels. Suddenly, the same kids who make me feel like I’m pulling teeth to pick out a birthday present start sounding like a walking, talking ad for Toys R Us. Through most of December it’s all about Santa and presents and what they’re going to get when they unwrap their presents Christmas Eve.

I try and teach my kids to be sweet and grateful throughout the year. To say thank-you and understand that no one actually HAS to buy them a present. I understand that they’re kids, and we as a culture stress the awesomeness of getting presents come Christmas. Which is the only reason I didn’t curl up in the corner and die of embarrassment when my four year old daughter innocently asked my aunt where her “big” present was when we went to their house for Christmas. I’m fighting an uphill battle, but it’s one I’m determined to win.

I want my kids to see what I see at Christmas. An entire season in which people, some for the first time all year, take the time to think of someone other than themselves. There’s a reason the Salvation Army is out collecting at Christmas. It’s when people are most likely to give, not because they know they should, but because it makes them feel good about themselves, the world and their place in it.

But how can I show my kids that when they’ve got Toys R Us ads cramming the awesomeness of the newest video game down their throats? Especially when (and I’m the first to admit it) we’ve spoiled them over the years, without giving much thought to what it would mean in the here and now?

I’m making a start (I hope) by stretching our wings to teach my kids charity at Christmas. For the past few years we’ve sponsored a little girl in Honduras through Children International, and adopted an angel from the angel tree. If I have cash, it goes into the Salvation Army basket. We’re cutting back on the amount of useless “stuff” we buy them each year, instead teaching the small joys of the season-making cookies, driving around to look at the Christmas lights, making paper chains instead of buying advent calendars to count down to Christmas.

I can’t help but feel like it’s not enough. How do you teach your kids to appreciate the true spirit of Christmas?

10 Ways to Keep Your Kids Up and Moving This Winter

With all the publicity childhood obesity is getting these days, I find myself keeping an eagle eye on my kids’ waistlines. Especially because my daughter inherited the family tendency to be short and chubby, poor kid. Getting them out and moving in the summer is easy. Between the pool, the park and a yard full of cats, nudging them out the front door is a piece of cake.

Cats. Best bribe to go outdoors ever.

In the middle of winter, when there’s a foot of snow on the ground and the wind’s whipping so hard you lose feeling (everywhere) between the front door and the car, it's a WHOLE different story! Getting them to go outside then is more like fruitcake than Devil’s Food. It’s distasteful. Hard to swallow. And nobody else in your family wants a piece of it.

Deep in your heart, can you really blame them?

So now you have an entire winter spent inside, bored kids climbing the walls and the television and computer conveniently placed as a clever distraction. Don’t talk yourself into just turning on the TV and letting them go. Here are 10 tips to keep your kids up and moving when the snow starts falling down.

1)      Pick up a membership. Anywhere. The YMCA and the Children’s Museum of Play are responsible for 90% of my sanity during the winter. It keeps them entertained, gives them a place to run and gives us all a fighting chance to get through the cold weather in one piece.

2)      Get them involved. Dance. Basketball. Swim team. Karate. Chances are, there’s someone near you that offers any and/or all of the above. Take advantage of it.

3)      Have playtime daily. There’s not a kid in the world that doesn’t love to play tag or wrestle in the living room. It’s a matter of taking the time. Sure, it’s going to cut into your schedule, but isn’t having healthy, happy, tired kids worth it?

4)      Make an obstacle course. Build an obstacle course around your house and time the kids as they go running through it. Change it up daily.

5)      Kids’ fitness videos are your friend. There have been a lot of mornings that have found all four of us crouched on the floor doing yoga. Mommy & Me Yoga and other, similar programs are a great way to let your kids expand their horizons, stretch their muscles, burn some energy…and let you get in a workout at the same time.

6)      Put a mattress on the floor. They’re going to need to jump on it. Trust me on this one.

7)      Have a dance party. Turn off the television, put in a CD and see what happens.

8)      Stock up on NERF shooters and fun noodles. The chance to stalk their siblings through the house is practically irresistible. Kids love to play with each other. Save your pillows and give them the safe tools to do it.

9)      Invest in a Wii. Video games aren’t my favorite solution, but even I’ll admit that Wii boxing makes you break a sweat. Just make sure it’s something that keeps them up and moving.

10)   Get out. Find an indoor playplace. Hang out at Chuck E. Cheese. Go out running errands. Just getting out of the house, even if you’re in the car as often as not, is going to help them burn energy and keep those little legs pumping.

What’s your best advice for keeping your kids moving when winter rolls around?



Kids and Guns: Child’s Play? Or a Disaster Waiting to Happen?

The first time I pulled my kids out of a game of cowboys and Indians, the neighbors thought I was crazy. When I confiscated any water gun that wasn’t bright orange and see-through, my relatives looked at me like I was nuts.

My kids have heard the “Guns aren’t toys, and they shouldn’t be treated as such” so many times, they could recite it in their sleep. These days, they just roll their eyes in my general direction.

No, I’m not one of “those” people. I’m not going to stand outside and picket a gun store. The whole “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” thing? The right to bear arms? I’m right there with you.

Heck, I live in a part of the country where it’s totally kosher to skip school the first day of hunting season. People near and dear to me have, against my better judgment, wandered out into careers in law enforcement. I definitely appreciate the value of a good firearm.

But…

But accidents happen. But you can’t predict the unpredictable. But kids act without thinking all the time. And that’s how people get hurt.

Kids Don’t Always Differentiate Between Toys and the Real Thing

I’m a firm believer in nature over nurture when it comes to behavior. Especially behavior around a firearm. Kids who spend their entire lives around actual, honest-to-goodness, could-go-off-and-kill-someone guns learn caution at an early age.

Kids who spend their formative years pointing plastic guns at each other’s heads are going to have to be re-taught when the time comes to use the real thing.

While we’d love to think that our habits change with the situation…they really don’t.  I was reading a post from a mom the other day who’d always been comfortable with toy guns. She freely admitted, however, that she’d made the rules expecting toy guns to be the only kind her kids would be around.

It was a decision she regretted when her son pointed an (unloaded) pistol at her head.

Maybe I’m a Little More Irrational Than Most. But I Have My Reasons.

Let me backtrack just a little here. I don’t allow firearms in my house. I don’t have them. I don’t allow people to bring them into the house. I’ve been known to have conversations with the local police on the front steps because I didn’t want a gun in the house where my 1 year old, my 3 year old and my 5 year old running around. (My neighbors were interesting. Don’t ask.)

Those are my house rules. Keep it in mind if you come to visit.

However, I’m also looking around for a firearm safety course for my 10 year old to take this summer. And his brother and sister will follow in his footsteps at some point after that. When I’m fairly certain they can follow directions well enough not to get themselves killed.

Contradictory? Not as much as you’d think. I learned how to shoot a lot earlier than that. (What? Just because I don’t like guns doesn’t mean I don’t know how to use them!)  Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like curiosity and carelessness are the foundation behind just about every gun related accident in the country today. It’s my hope that by teaching my kids that guns aren’t toys and should be handled with respect from the very beginning, I’ll never get the phone call that one of them put a bullet in another kid because they were messing around.

What do you think? Do you allow your children to play with pretend guns?

Who Picks Your Kids' After School Activities?

Studies have shown that after-school activities are an important part of this complete childhood. They make them into responsible citizens, teach them the value of teamwork, blah de blah de blah blah blah.

I’m not disagreeing. I’m a big believer in getting kids involved. My calendar can tell you all about it.

Recently, however, I ran into a bit of a parental moral quandary. The kids are talking about wanting to take tae kwon do at the local YMCA. I’m all for the idea. Martial arts will, I believe, go a long way toward teaching them discipline, respect and how to defend themselves…all MUCH more applicable, from a practical point of view, than learning how to macramé.

I just have NO idea where we’re going to squeeze it into our schedule.

Something’s gotta give. The question is, what?

Feeling Selfish Here…

It would be so much easier if they could just get a job...

Personally, while I love the scouting program around here, I think the kids would get a lot more out of martial arts. It’s nothing personal. They have great programs. The leaders are amazing. The kids are making friends. I just feel like I spend more time doing paperwork and going over schedules than actually getting down and dirty with the kids.

To be fair (and the reason I’m waffling so badly), it’s not entirely their fault. Scout activities happen on the weekends, for obvious reasons. That means any weekends find the kids split in three different directions. While Princess C can go on her merry way, the boys need a parent along as often as not.

That’s easier said than done around here. If I’m not working on the weekend I usually have a to-do list as long as my arm, and the kids are paying the price. While we still get in plenty of family time on one end of the day or the other, late mornings and afternoons are pretty much shot.

Princess C's been waiting for a new Brownie sash for the last two months, because we can't get to the Girl Scout store. We completely missed fundraisers, and next weekend will mark the third Tiger event in the last 6 weeks my youngest has had to miss because neither his dad nor I are free to go.

Granted, the last month has been insane, but still.

Tae kwon do would be easier for me. Selfish, but true. Except for testing, there are no weekend hours. I can drop the kids off at practice and pick them up (and use the hour in between to put in a little gym time of my own). Which makes me wonder if I’m leaning so heavily in favor of trading up for them, or for myself.

The kids love scouts. Absolutely love it. G-money’s been waiting for two years for his chance to get in on it. It doesn’t feel fair to pull him out when he’s just getting started, but we’re not going to be able to do both. And I’m at a complete loss, so let me ask you. How do you pick and choose your kids' after-school activities?