When Should You Kick the Diaper Habit?

If there’s any milestone in the civilized world that garners more attention than potty training, I haven’t found it yet. Everyone has some advice to offer. Everyone has a timeline for when it should happen. 

Everyone can tell you all about how you’re doing it wrong.

Personally, I put potty training up there somewhere in the fifth circle of Hell. The wrathful section, that is. Parents and children caught in a never-ending struggle for supremacy. And anyone who’s danced the potty-training tango can tell you that this time, you're not the one holding the cards.

The mini-tyrants are the ones with the power.

Tee Time

If you’re going to start potty training, you HAVE to understand that one little fact. You aren’t the one that holds the power in that relationship. You can beg, cajole, blackmail, bribe and plead. That doesn’t mean that your little tycoon-in-training is going to kick those diapers to the curb one millisecond sooner than when they’re good and ready.

Three frustrating rounds of potty training later, I know. Oh, do I know. My eye (and the rest of me) still twitches violently every time I think about it.

So they hold the power, but if you’re going to get them out of diapers sometime before Kindergarten you have to take the reins. How the heck do you balance that?

Follow the Signs

Potty training success relies almost exclusively on your ability to tell when their objectives and yours are in the same century. You have to recognize the signs, none of which are as obvious as running through the hallways holding a pair of clean underwear and shouting, “Hasta la vista, diapers!”

So when MIGHT they be ready? Keep an eye out for any and all of the following:

·           

      Sneaking into the bathroom and playing with the toilet. (Flushers. Keep an eye out.) 

·          

      Taking off wet/poopy diapers on their own.

·         Telling you when they need a diaper change.

·         Willingly sitting on the potty. Reading a book, playing games. Kids who aren’t ready to potty train will fidget or run screaming in the other direction.

·         Lusting after big-kid underwear. The more they want it, the more they’re willing to work for it.

Be Willing to be a Sunday Driver

It’s tempting to jump all over your kids the minute they start showing the signs. This is one of those times where it pays to be a Sunday driver. Pushing your kids too far, too fast is going to put you farther back than you were when you started.

Move slow. Follow their lead. If you find that they’re digging in and rebelling, put potty training on ice. 

Sometimes a three to six month break is all you need. Come back to it.

Let them be the boss. It’s worth it in the end.

When Should You Kick the Diaper Habit?

If there’s any milestone in the civilized world that garners more attention than potty training, I haven’t found it yet. Everyone has some advice to offer. Everyone has a timeline for when it should happen. 

Everyone can tell you all about how you’re doing it wrong. 

Personally, I put potty training up there somewhere in the fifth circle of Hell. The wrathful section, that is. Parents and children caught in a never-ending struggle for supremacy. And anyone who’s danced the potty-training act can tell you that parents aren’t the ones holding the cards. 

The mini-tyrants are the ones with the power. 

Tee Time

 If you’re going to start potty training, you HAVE to understand that one little fact. You aren’t the one that holds the power in that relationship. You can beg, cajole, blackmail, bribe and plead. That doesn’t mean that your little tycoon-in-training is going to kick those diapers to the curb one millisecond sooner than when they’re good and ready.

Three frustrating rounds of potty training later, I know. Oh, do I know. My eye (and the rest of me) still twitches violently every time I think about it. 

Therein lies the true dilemma of parenting through potty training. They hold the power, but if you’re going to get them out of diapers sometime before Kindergarten you have to take the reins. How the heck do you balance that? 

Follow the Signs

Potty training success relies almost exclusively on your ability to tell when their objectives and yours are in the same century. You have to recognize the signs, none of which are as obvious as running through the hallways holding a pair of clean underwear and shouting, “Hasta la vista, diapers!” 

So when MIGHT they be ready? Keep an eye out for any and all of the following: 

·         Sneaking into the bathroom and playing with the toilet. (Flushers. Keep an eye out.) 

·         Taking off wet/poopy diapers on their own. 

·         Telling you when they need a diaper change. 

·         Willingly sitting on the potty. Reading a book, playing games. Kids who aren’t ready to potty train will fidget or run screaming in the other direction. 

·         Lusting after big-kid underwear. The more they want it, the more they’re willing to work for it. 

Be Willing to be a Sunday Driver

It’s tempting to jump all over your kids the minute they start showing the signs. This is one of those times where it pays to be a Sunday driver. Pushing your kids too far, too fast is going to put you farther back than you were when you started. 

Move slow. Follow their lead. If you find that they’re digging in and rebelling, put potty training on ice. Sometimes a three to six month break is all you need. Come back to it. 

Let them be the boss. It’s worth it in the end.

Why 3 Kids Will Always Be Easier Than One

Do you remember the day you first brought home your tiny little burrito of joy? They were small. Red. Cried a lot. And completely transformed the rhythm of your day. 

So much so that you often wondered how on earth anyone managed with more than one. This mini-tyrant was taking over your life!

Chillax. Breathe. We’ve all been there. The simple truth is that unless you spent your formative years bringing up your brothers and sisters, you have no idea what you’re getting into when you drop a baby into the house. It’s amazing how something so small manages to take up so much time and space. At the end of the day, you’re exhausted!

Which, invariably, is when someone looks around your house, scrunches up their nose and asks, “What did you DO all day?”

Resist the urge to kill them. It’s just better that way.

Why On Earth Would You Add a Few More Kids?

Three kids means three times the dishes. Three times the laundry. Three times the running around. Three times the questions, the temper tantrums, the crabby days, the doctor’s visits. Three times the mess. (I’m pretty sure that actually increases by five once you add Princess C to the equation, but I don’t have any proof to back that up.)

Here’s the thing. Kids love kids. Kids love kids in all sizes, shapes and forms. They’re just so much more FUN than grown-ups!

Now that I have three kids, I have more free time. Why? Because when they’re bored, they go track down each other instead of me. That means that dinner gets made while the kids are playing Yu-Gi-Oh instead of when they’re sitting on my hip. Books can be read at the park while they play tag (especially if you grab 2 or 3 friends to bring along).

Then There’s the Part Where They’re Growing Up

Mr. A loves getting to come home and make hot chocolate for himself and his little brother. G-money thinks it’s the coolest thing ever when bubby makes his snack instead of mom. Princess C likes helping her little bro pick out his clothes in the morning, and all three of them team up to get rooms cleaned, beds made and Sunday chores out of the way so they can get to the important stuff.

Being a mommy of three is more chaotic, more time-crunched and a heck of a lot more expensive than being a mommy of one, but there’s no denying it’s a whole lot easier.

Chicken Pox Carnage, Take One

This week started off with a bang. No, really. Sunday night rang in Monday morning rather epically with a raging pillow fight…and the “thud” of my youngest hitting the floor, neck and shoulders first, mid-skirmish. Insert bath time here to loosen aching muscles and low and behold, we see what looks like hives plastered all across his chest.

Yep. Time to pick up the phone and dial a doctor. Off we go, only to find out we’re not fighting with anything as harmless as overactive basophils. Oooooooooh no. Along with a nice case of whiplash, we’re going head to head with…duh duh duh…our first REAL case of chicken pox!

There’s Fake Chicken Pox?

Meh. Sort of. See, thanks to a little thing called the varicella vaccine, chicken pox has been a frequent but wimpy visitor in this house. A few spots here. A few spots there. Kids score a day off of school, mom plasters them in Calamine, and we're good to go.

This time, however, G Money just couldn’t do it. At this writing he’s got a nice strip wrapping over his shoulder and around his chest, with a massive colony of spots hiding under the skin and promising to make an appearance by tomorrow morning. He’s itchy. Whiny. WAY past cranky. And leaving mom and dad scrambling for ways to get through the next week without giving in to the urge for an unexpected trip to Fiji to put ourselves out of our misery.

War Stories to Come

You’d think, given the fact that both dad and myself had a miserable case of chicken pox when we were younger, that we’d have some awesome techniques up our sleeve. You’d be wrong. Even after a couple of minor cases floating around the house, we’re still staring blankly at the munchkin as the spots keep marching on.

I’m sure I’m going to have some awesome survival stories by the end of the week (and the phone number for the pizza delivery place and the liquor store on speed dial), but for now I have the Aveeno in one hand and a bottle of Caladryl in the other. So let me shout out to you, all those amazing, wonderful, experienced parents out there. How did you survive your first case of chicken pox?

Are You Turning Your Kids Into Quitters?

How many of you read Mamapedia? 

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a junkie for mommy blogs. Not as much now as when my kids were younger. Moms with school-age kids seem to spend less time sitting at a keyboard than those with little ones that actually nap during the day. I blame all the driving around we do after the fact. Which actually brings me to my point.

Earlier this week, there was an article on Mamapedia about a woman who was concerned about her son. He’d started swim team early in the summer with a tremendous amount of enthusiasm and verve. Six months of competition later, he was in tears before his swim meet. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to be there. He wanted to quit.

Mom was concerned that giving him the thumbs-up to drop out of swimming would encourage him to give up too soon. That it would detract from him doing something great. Or maybe he was just showing that swimming wasn’t his true love, and she should let him step out of the pool and get back to the baseball that he loved. Sounds reasonable, right? We all want to do what’s best for our kids.

Did I mention he was only five?

With the constant push from society to nudge our kids into activities and keep them there, along with research that shows the younger a child is when they start, the more successful they’re going to be, it’s no wonder that parents are worrying about these things at a young age. What kind of habits are we teaching our kids if we let them throw in the towel when the going gets tough? Stay the course, young man! You’ll thank me when you’re older!

I’m not going to say that pushing your kids to succeed isn’t good for them. Drive. Discipline. Etc, etc. Chinese parents have been doing it for years. So if you’re the type of parent who believes their kids should stick with it, forever and ever, no matter what…stop reading here. No really. What I’m about to say is going to piss you off beyond all possible belief.

Nothing Says, “Do It Or Else!” Like Kids in Ballet

I was one of those kids who couldn’t stand sitting around the house. Soccer. Softball. Band. Cheerleading. Scouts. Youth Group. I was into everything. So I have to admit to nudging my kids out the door as often as possible.

Nothing, however, has given me as fine a respect for allowing kids to make their own choices as having a daughter that does ballet.

Princess C’s working on her fifth year of dance. We did two years of ballet before moving north, then another two years of it once we got here. (She’s taking a break from it to do hip hop and jazz this year instead, but insists she’s going back next year.)

Ladies and gentlemen, ballet moms are scary. I’m not talking about the kind that show up, drop off their kids and hike down to the coffee shop until they’re done. I get those. I’m talking about the ones that shove their crying four year old into the room week after week when she obviously doesn’t want to be there. That make it impossible for their girls to make friends, because parents carry the competition for parts out of the studio. Mudslinging. Insults. Subtle sabotage. Politics have NOTHING on the wide, wonderful world of dance.

In short, I’m saying these moms want it more than their kids do.

Hey, I’ve Been There

Confession time. When my oldest started Tae Kwon Do at the age of 6, we were thrilled. He loved it. He had a good time. He wasn’t bad at it. 10 months later, however, he stopped wanting to go. Classes started with tears and revolt and bribes and threats to get him out the door. He genuinely didn’t want to be there.

When I stepped back to look at why I was pushing a 7 year old so hard to do something he obviously didn’t want to do, I realized it was because it was something I wanted for him. I wanted him to find his niche, something he could stick with. I wanted it more than he did. When I finally made that connection, we went ahead and pulled him out. And while I could have done without the fee that came with pulling him out before the year was up, it’s not a decision I regret.

Kids Try EVERYTHING

At some point, kids are going to try a wide range of activities. Some they’ll stick with. Some they won’t. (I know one season of softball was MORE than enough for me.) Letting them stop isn’t teaching them to quit. It’s teaching them to save their time for doing the things they love rather than spending all their time on the things they hate.

My recommendation to moms who are worried about their kids starting and stopping activities with abandon? Don’t worry about it. If their sport has a season, encourage them to ride it out. That teaches them the value of being a team player and finishing their commitment. If it’s something that goes year-round, like swim or tae kwon do, choose a stopping point. Maybe it’s a meet. Maybe it’s a belt test. Just something that provides a definitive end.

Maybe they’ll change their minds. Maybe they won’t. But this way you’re empowering them to make their own decisions. To take chances. To try new things. To stretch their wings.

Really, isn’t that what being a parent is all about?

To Game or Not to Game, That Is the Question. Or is It?

Remember the Nintendo era? I have fond memories of spending hours curled up playing Mario and watching my cousins take each other down in Mortal Kombat. Back then, there were a limited number of games on the market. You’d play for a couple of hours, then got so sick of the game that you moved on to something else.

And if you didn’t get off on your own, your mom would shove you in a coat and shoes and take care of that for you.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with one television channel, no computer and very few video games, but monitoring screen time in my house wasn’t really a problem. I have more memories of my grandmother telling me to stop playing in the creek than to step away from the TV. These days, it seems like I spend half my life dragging my kids away from the computer and back into real life.

Video Games Aren’t Doing Our Kids Any Favors

There’s been a huge amount of research done in recent years on the effects of video games on our kids’ growth and development. What our parents deemed harmless entertainment when we were kids is turning into a global problem. Video games are being linked with poor social development, childhood obesity, falling grades and the early onset of addictive behavior in children.

In other words, they’re so busy spending time sitting on their butt in front of the computer screen that they’re not out there doing anything else!

As a parent, it’s my job to make sure my kids eat right. That they get their homework done. That they have the opportunity to develop socially, make friends, expand their horizons. I dedicated hours to playgroups, dance classes, pool time, school events and teaching my kids how to read. Now that they’re thinking for themselves, am I really going to cross my arms, sit back and say, “My job’s done. Go ahead and do whatever you want.”?

I don’t think so.

Be Their Parent, Not Their Friend

“I can’t get my kids to stop playing video games!”

Get a dozen parents together and that’s the complaint you’re going to hear, over and over again. All their kids want to do is play video games. They just don’t seem to want to do anything else. Hours upon hours their little darlings fritter away in front of the big screen while their parents gnash their teeth in the background because they don’t want to go outside.

Here’s the thing. Saying you can’t get your kids to stop playing video games is like saying you can’t get your shoe to go on your foot. Of course you can. You’re the parent. Unplug the Wii. Disconnect the modem. Take the Playstation controllers. Limit the number of hours your kids spend in front of the computer and TV screens each day and stick to it. If they can’t play video games, they’re going to have to find something else to do.

It’s kind of like eating brussel sprouts. They don’t have to like it, but it’s something they can live with.

It’s Easier Said Than Done

For those of you rolling your eyes and thinking, “It’s easy for you to say,” I’ve been there. My husband is an avid gamer, and when the kids were little I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into the amount of time they spent playing computer or watching TV. It was okay for a few years. They still went outside to play tag, still spent hours at the pool, still nagged me, day in and day out, to go to their cousins’ house to hang out.

As they got older, however, getting them outside got a lot harder. My oldest buried himself in video games, started dropping out of other activities, spent hours in front of the computer when his friends came over-if they came over at all. All three of the kids would whine and complain when I turned off the computers and the TV and tried to get them to do something else. Before long, video games (or in my daughter’s case, the TV) were all my kids could talk about.

Something had to give. I started cracking down on the amount of time the kids spent playing games and watching TV. I signed them up for swim classes and after school activities, and started kicking them outside on a regular basis.

I implemented a firm policy that those who complain when it’s time to turn off the video games don’t get to play them again until mom’s good and ready to turn them back on.

Sure, video game marathons still happen. When my oldest has friends over, I’ll let them geek it up for a few hours. On days I have to work and they’re bored out of their minds I’ll lift video game restrictions, just to keep them entertained for most of the day. I try not to grind my teeth too far down when they’re home with dad, who lets them computer it up whenever they want as long as their chores get done.

But these are special events, and the kids know it.

It’s been an uphill battle, especially in light of the fact that my husband continues to game as often as possible. We’ve argued more than once about me telling the kids to turn off the computers and find something else to do. It’s a fight I’m determined to win, however, because I’m seeing a difference.

In a world without video games, my kids spend more time with their friends and with each other. They’re learning problem solving skills that have nothing to do with swords or shooting people in the head. They’re discovering new interests; they’ll start Tae Kwon Do next month, and I’m tripping over Yu Gi Oh cards every time I turn around. My oldest is celebrating his first marking period in middle school on the honor roll. My youngest is learning how to read.

They’re making friends, learning valuable social skills and setting the stage for a bright future that has nothing to do with spending days hunched like a mole over a computer screen.

Yesterday was early dismissal day. The kids came home early from school yesterday and immediately broke out the Uno cards instead of making a mad dash for the computers, the television or the Wii. It brought a tear to my eye.

How do you manage video game time at your house?

Is the Glitz Really All There Is? Christmas?

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit it. I go a little crazy at Christmas. The stockings. The stuffing. The crinkle of Christmas wrap in my hands. I love it all.

What I don’t love is the never-ending wish list I hear from my three little angels. Suddenly, the same kids who make me feel like I’m pulling teeth to pick out a birthday present start sounding like a walking, talking ad for Toys R Us. Through most of December it’s all about Santa and presents and what they’re going to get when they unwrap their presents Christmas Eve.

I try and teach my kids to be sweet and grateful throughout the year. To say thank-you and understand that no one actually HAS to buy them a present. I understand that they’re kids, and we as a culture stress the awesomeness of getting presents come Christmas. Which is the only reason I didn’t curl up in the corner and die of embarrassment when my four year old daughter innocently asked my aunt where her “big” present was when we went to their house for Christmas. I’m fighting an uphill battle, but it’s one I’m determined to win.

I want my kids to see what I see at Christmas. An entire season in which people, some for the first time all year, take the time to think of someone other than themselves. There’s a reason the Salvation Army is out collecting at Christmas. It’s when people are most likely to give, not because they know they should, but because it makes them feel good about themselves, the world and their place in it.

But how can I show my kids that when they’ve got Toys R Us ads cramming the awesomeness of the newest video game down their throats? Especially when (and I’m the first to admit it) we’ve spoiled them over the years, without giving much thought to what it would mean in the here and now?

I’m making a start (I hope) by stretching our wings to teach my kids charity at Christmas. For the past few years we’ve sponsored a little girl in Honduras through Children International, and adopted an angel from the angel tree. If I have cash, it goes into the Salvation Army basket. We’re cutting back on the amount of useless “stuff” we buy them each year, instead teaching the small joys of the season-making cookies, driving around to look at the Christmas lights, making paper chains instead of buying advent calendars to count down to Christmas.

I can’t help but feel like it’s not enough. How do you teach your kids to appreciate the true spirit of Christmas?